


Cutting into the pain

by imera



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cutting, Dark, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-19
Updated: 2011-12-19
Packaged: 2017-12-15 14:20:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/850544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imera/pseuds/imera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cutting is a strange thing. It’s painful and empowering at the same time. It’s also terrifyingly addicting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cutting into the pain

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2011 for the hp_emofest @ LJ
> 
> This story is not written to encourage cutting, cutting is bad and anyone who does it should reach out for help. Being close to someone who did cut herself I'm familiar with the fear every day that it will be their last. Please, if you cut yourself, or if you know someone who does, please get help or reach out to the person.

Scorpius sat down next to the red haired boy, staring at his half naked body. Hugo’s breath grew short as he observed the blonde above him. Scorpius smiled before he traced Hugo’s last scar. You could barely see it, but it was there like a pale trail on top of one of his ribs.

“You want me, Hugo?”

The younger boy nodded. Scorpius drew his wand, muttered the right spell and slowly placed the tip of his wand on Hugo’s skin. Tiny drops of hot, red liquid exited the tiny wound. As he ran his wand down Hugo’s side, he could hear how the boy moaned, trying not to scream out in pain.

As soon as he reached his goal he removed the wand and stared at the blood that was slowly oozing from the open wound, sliding down across his ribcage and dripping onto Scorpius' sheets. They sat on his bed, the curtains drawn shut and a silencing charm around them so nobody would discover their secret. 

Muttering a second spell he brought his wand back to Hugo’s skin, closing the wound. The red blood still dripped down Hugo’s pale skin. Scorpius wanted to touch it, but didn’t want to ruin the perfect line.

Scorpius sat to Hugo's side and waited until some of the blood dried up. Only then did he dare to touch it, dare to smudge the blood on Hugo’s perfect skin. When he looked up at Hugo, he met big brown eyes. The two boys didn’t speak; there was nothing to be said between them. After a few seconds of silence Scorpius decided it was his turn. He moved until he found a comfortable position and stroked the skin on his forearm. Hugo sat up, staring at Scorpius and his wand. 

Again Scorpius muttered the first spell, bringing it down to one of his old scars, carefully pressing until his skin gave in, releasing a hot liquid that ran down his arm before reaching the edge. He could feel Hugo shift on his side, but he didn’t pay him any attention. Slowly he traced the old scar, watching as more blood poured out of his wound. As he reached the most dangerous location on his arm he stopped, wanting to push harder, to watch his essence of life pour out of him.

He would have done it right then if Hugo hadn’t moved. The pain had hypnotized him until he forgot about the young Gryffindor. Slowly he continued, ignoring the burning pain that he felt as the spell cut into his flesh. He could easily stop if he wanted to, that was the thing that interested him the most about self harming, how empowering it actually was.

As the first cut finished he moved on to another pale scar, tracing it, as well. Like before he wanted to push harder as he neared the centre of his forearm, where the vein was closest to his skin; but he didn’t do it. One day he would end his life, he knew it; he had nothing to live for. The only reason why he didn’t end his life yet was because Hugo kept pulling him back into the light. One day, when Hugo wasn’t around to help him, he would give in to the shadows that were darkening his life, he would then cut deeper than before, so deep that the darkness of his life would get a hold of him and take him.

He traced a third scar, this time cutting deeper than before. He watched as the blood poured out of his wounds, how it soaked into his trousers, staining them in a dark shade.  
He was about to start on another cut when Hugo stopped him. “No,” he said. Scorpius thought his voice sounded like an angel in his ears, maybe that was what he really was, and angel in disguise. He had to be since he was the only person that made sure he wouldn’t leave this world before his time, he was Scorpius’ savior. “Heal them.” Scorpius did as ordered without wasting a single thought on it.

He watched as the wounds closed, leaving only the blood as evidence of what he had done, and a tiny pale scar. Suddenly Hugo placed his hand over Scorpius’ former wounds, hiding the blood that was starting to dry. Scorpius turned towards the boy, surprised to see him there. “I won’t let you do it.” Scorpius knew well enough what Hugo meant. He knew he would never be lonely as long as he was together with Hugo, but he also knew he would eventually give in to the darkness. 

Before Hugo found him and saved him Scorpius has been pulled deep into the dark, his dark well, where school, family and friends captured him, refusing to let him leave. When Hugo found him he was sure he would be just another person that would keep him in the well of despair, and was surprised when he realized Hugo was bringing him up to the surface again. Scorpius smiled for the first time in years, he finally wanted to live.

Then his mother’s hand snatched him, pulling him back into the well. She banned him from seeing Hugo, only because he was a Weasley. His father, who had been supportive of him till then, didn’t speak up when his mother denied him Hugo’s friendship. Knowing his mother would be angry if she discovered he'd chosen to act against her he and Hugo decided to meet in secretly. Hugo used an invisibility cloak, and they would meet in Scorpius’ bed. Sometimes he wished his mother would discover them, just so he could have a reason to end his life. He would show her that no matter how hard she tried, she had no hold over him.

“I won’t let you do it,” Hugo suddenly said, like he could read his thoughts. “I will do everything in my power to keep you from doing anything foolish.” 

Scorpius couldn’t hold back his pain anymore. His eyes started to sting, he knew the tears would soon follow; the tears that he only allowed Hugo to see. There was no need to hide his feelings around Hugo, the Gryffindor was only there to help him, to save him; Scorpius allowed his tears to run freely. Hugo didn’t say a word as salty tears ran down Scorpius’ cheeks; he pulled him into a deep hug, which comforted Scorpius more than he would ever admit. Hugo was the only one who cared about him, the only one who knew his secret. He was the only one who Scorpius allowed to see him for what he actually was, broken.


End file.
